Dream Team?

Let me preface this with a question -- what would your dream team be?

The reason is this -- I've just realized that if the US leaders were to play any sort of competitive sport against the "enemies of america", America would just own. They'd slam down. If we pick basketball, for example, lets see how the lineup looks. Lets look at the "dream team".

USA political basketball team:

Center: First, I gotta go with my main man Abe Lincoln. 6'4", mean beard, crazy top-hat, ghetto (he got shot), but not a ballhog (emancipation proclamation). Good post move. Has a tendency to sacrifice to keep the team together. Also, will go all "Burnin' Sherman" on yo' ass if you try and secede from the team.

Small Forward: Easy, oh so easy, I'm going with Kobe Hussain Obama baby! Err... Thats Barack. Seriously, have you seen this guy's moves? If he gets a foul, he's awesome at talking his way out of anything, and getting the refs to change the call. Good stroke from outside the arch.

Small Forward: Clarence Thomas. NBA star turned supreme court judge? Sounds like a match made in Heaven. Quick to the boards and quick to the gavel. Used to taking whatever Justice Scalia dishes out, but a good coach could get him out of his funk.

Point Guard: Rob Emanual. This guy is a leader. If you can orchestrate a presidential election, orchestrating a 2-1-2 zone is easy. Good play at the top of the key. He's quick and plays smart.  Good vision downcourt. Has a strong drive to win. Works well with Barack, so there is a great driv'in dish out to Barack who can hit the three.

Shooting Guard: Ralph Nader. Experience Experience Experience. He's see failure his entire life, so he's not afraid to fail, but is a solid player. He doesn't get discouraged which makes him a great shooting guard. If he misses a few threes he doesn't get in a funk. He just keeps shooting with that beautiful stroke of his until one rattles in. He's not your go to guy at the buzzer though, I'd give it to Barack if time was winding down. He'll give you solid minutes, and can probably average maybe 8-12 points a game, but don't expect a superstar.

Sixth Man: Westly Clark. Overall good athlete, will give you 100% all the time. Used to having a good tryout but always failing to make the A team. Good sport though. Defensive specialist (from his army training). If you think he's going to give up the baseline to the enemy you're crazy.

Crazy Man: I gotta go with Theodore Roosevelt. Every team has one of these players. Think of them as the Ben Wallace of the world. No skills, won't really give you points, but provides a great spark, and OK defense. Teddy was a roughrider so we know he's crazy and not afraid to foul hard. Gives some personality to the team, even though he lacks some ball skills. 

Coach: FDR. He led us through the Great Depression and WWII, therefore, a run to the world playoffs will be easy in comparison. Levelheaded, but never satisfied. He'll make you work hard even if he has to hire 2 million americans to dig ditches to do so. Plus, he's iconic. Coach in a wheel chain. Common...

List of American Enemies:

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: Notoriously short. Maybe he's quick, and maybe on the football (soccer) pitch he could be a decent player, but not basketball.

Kim Jong Il II: Seriously? By far, easily the worst basketball player ever on the history of the planet.

Adolf Hitler: Painter who was crazy and un-athletic. Not tall either.

Stalin: Maybe... Maybe... Doesn't seem quick but that mustache intimidates.

Osama Bin Ladin: Ok, he'd def. be a decent center. Probably no endurance because of the dialysis but he's tall, mean, probably has a good post move or two, and undoubtably has motive. Probably if we could shut him downwe'd be OK.

Hugo Chavez: Probably would spend too much time getting rid of all the photos taken by the press of him to have his head in the game, that, and if his team wasn't red he'd flip a shit nut.

Putin: Ok, intimating, and probably has a pretty good 15 footer from the baseline, but lets be honest, kinda a ball hog. Instead of getting it to Osama who has a good high percentage shot, he's gonna shoot fadaways from 15 feet out every time, and they are going to clank off the front of the rime more times than not. So potential? Yes, but I'd have a Clarence over Putin any day.




I can't think of a single team who could ever beat up on the US. We're just too good at basketball. What would your dream team be? Let me know!